Harmony

In the beginning, God created man in his image.
His song was a melody that was good, but God saw it could be more.
It was not good for man to be alone.
So like chords are born out of a melody, woman was made from man
To support and deepen his song.
While she is complete and made in the image of God also,
She was made from man and for man.
And as they played together, their song glorified God’s plan.

But then they both fell.
She no longer wanted to support and complete his song.
She completed other songs or made up her own.
It was a chaotic cacophony causing pain and strife.
This power struggle did not glorify God.

A Savior heard their song and saw it could be redeemed.
He helped woman learn to play her notes again.
His submission inspires continuing submission.
The song was beautiful again.
Her notes support and deepen his song
Though it is no longer perfect, it is getting better.
And they glorified God once again.

Letter to a Younger Me

Dear Mirza,

Here are some things that I know would have made your eyes roll, tuned out, and even laugh incredulously:

“woman … is from a person and for people” (i know that you don’t like people, have a brick wall so solid that nobody has a chance to get close to you, where everyone is guilty until proven innocent.) Now you must be really suspicious! Why and how do I know so much about you? You’re intrigued but not trusting, so let me just get to the nitty gritty.

I am taking a class called 5 Aspects of Women, A Biblical Theology of Femininity. It’s at Venture Church in Los Gatos. The teacher is a reformed feminist, married and with 7 children (i know, I was shocked too.) Before I go on, reading this might be more comfortable for you if you’re alone, maybe at Starbucks, with your mocha. I know you enjoy solitude and reading, so consider this a little reading break. OK, so I decided to take this class because I have a 5 year old daughter (4 at the start of the class) and a baby girl who is now 9 months old, plus I am married to the father of my children. I thought about you, how you always wished some other woman was your mother instead of the one you had when you were a kid, how you wondered if sitcom families had any trace of reality to them because yours mirrored a horror film. Not to mention that I know you don’t believe in marriage, men are second class citizens, scum, you don’t like children, you believe in God as some Father Time up in heaven, real, but as close to you as Whitney Houston . Exactly! When is that ever going to happen? Anyhow, there I was remembering how yucky your childhood was and how that influenced the female you came to be, and I thought, God no, I don’t want that for my girls! Almost in a panic, I wanted to know what I needed to start making things right, and set a safe, healthy, and loving home. I know now with all my heart that God put the right lady and study before me to help navigate through marriage and motherhood.

As it turns out, I have learned much, put some into practice, and still have a desire to see the change in me continue. I know that you can’t relate to what I’m going to share with you, but I ask that you at least take the time to finish this letter. I also want to let you know that even though you are afraid of men and therefore put on a front to ward them off or treat men like they don’t matter, that there are men that are safe, caring, and trustworthy. You’ll meet them in Richard Warren, your boss for 6 1/2 years, in Scott Schnell, who had a bumper sticker on his white board that read: “I LOVE MY WIFE!”, in Pastor Bill who taught you to have compassion and a love for God, in Pastor Flippo who gave you a chance to work in the children’s ministry, and in your future husband, Sergio Gutierrez, who will swim through “shark infested waters” just to bring you a lemonade. As for children, I know you say don’t want any because you don’t want the responsibility of ruining someone’s life, but let me tell you, you are going to love your girls. Alejandra will be the catalyst to your faith and relationship with Christ and your biggest cheerleader, and Victoria will just melt your heart with her smile and laughter. You will be fine because you won’t be alone. You will ask for help and get it. People do care, you do matter, and it’s ok to love and be loved. God made you for man and you are the Helper Completer. Here is a little bit of what that means, and I know this will be hard to digest, but it’s true.

“she is and ought to be a more refined and delicate vessel.”

“men go out, they work and they produce wealth in the form of a piece of paper called a paycheck. Usually it is the women, the wife who turns that piece of paper into good food to eat, a decorated and lovely home to live in, clothes to wear, social occasions and contact that enrich family.” (yes, you will even learn how to cook and sometimes will actually like it)

“maintaining is just as important a work as getting” (your degree is not the ticket to happiness?)

“it is very foolish to seek to be intimate with a person beyond the level of trust, even in marriage because we are fallen.” (sex doesn’t equal intimacy)

“when there is partnership in work, trust and intimacy of soul is built, often followed by a powerful attraction for physical union.”

“the head (husband) has the authority and responsibility to do what is best for the body (wife) and overrule the body if necessary.” (your way or the high way doesn’t work and it won’t get you very far or even what you need)

“a husband/wife relationship full of commands, resistance, servility, and/or anger is the spiritual equivalent of a spastic or quadriplegic”

“when the husband is committed to receive the response/feedback of his wife, to protect her and be concerned for her every want and need, and when the wife is committed to follow and respect the directives and wishes of her husband, they will experience harmony and unity.” (sergio and mirza are a team, not enemies).

OK, my dear. Those are only but a few of the pearls that I’ve come to treasure and believe. I will pray for you, always.

Love,

HIS Princess,

Mirza

Together We Sail

I am the created helper-completer.
He buys Quicken.
I enter the transactions and pay bills.

I am the created helper-completer.
He buys fabric.
I sew the fabric into curtains.

I am the created helper-completer.
He makes repairs.
I sweep up the dust.

I am the fallen helper-completer.
He wants to hike.
I want to know where to go, how far, how long first
or I just tell him to take a hike.

I am the fallen helper-completer.
He cooks breakfast.
I complain the mess he left behind.

I am the fallen helper-completer.
He buys gifts for Christmas.
I say he spends too much.

I am the fallen helper-completer.
He drives the family everywhere.
I scream “Slow down, we will all be killed!”

I am the redeemed helper-completer.
He is the father, and I am the mother.
Without him, kids will be bored to death.
Without me, kids will never go to bed.
Together, kids are happy and healthy.

I am the redeemed helper-completer.
He is the white keys and I am the black keys of the piano.
Without each other, music is austere.
Together, we play beautifully.

I am the redeemed helper-completer.
He is Christopher Columbus, I am the Nina,
Without him, I don’t know where to go.
Without me, he goes nowhere.
(Literally, he does not like to put gas in the vehicles.)
Together, we sail to the end of the earth.

A Lifestyle of Lifegiving

Throughout the lesson, I was reminded of just a few of the characteristics that God has bestowed on women. God has equipped us to be compassionate, tender, nurturing, and loving. These characteristics can (and should) be used to nurture, encourage, teach, beautify, heal, and refresh those around us. Yes, these are the qualities of a loving mother, but these are also the qualities of every woman, regardless of whether they are single or married, have children or don’t have children. A woman’s character emphasis is love and we should use that love in the ways that God has called us. Further, as Luke 11:28 says, “I tell you how blessed are those who hear the word of God and do it.” This passage in particular was extremely encouraging to me a married, childless, woman. For though society often frowns upon those of us without children, Jesus himself reminds us that obeying God is more important than physical life giving.

In addition to the wonderful characteristics that God has bestowed on women, God has cursed our domains, specifically, our bodies and our world. Though I may never know the pains of childbirth, I am a woman, and therefore, in a broader sense, I too am a victim of the curse. Like all women, I endure the monthly cycles, the fatigue, the depression, the hormonal imbalances, the bloating, and on and on. In addition to the physiological curse, women also struggle with selfishness and wrong priorities. Indeed for me, the biggest hurdle that I have in battling the curse is selfishness. I get caught up in my own priorities, not those of God. And like Martha, I get so involved in the details of whatever it is that I am doing, that I do not take the time to sit at Christ’s feet and just listen for what it is that He would have for me to do.

Among the sadness and the difficulty of the curse, however, there is good news. God created us for a lifestyle and a lifetime of lifegiving. For many women, their primary avenue for lifegiving will be as mothers; for those who do not have children, it might be as encouragers, teachers, or ministers to others. Whether or not we are mothers, we are called to love others and give of ourselves. Further, we as lifegivers must model Christ. Christ gave willingly and freely to us and so we must be ready to give willingly and freely to others as well no matter how difficult the struggle.

So what has this lifegiver lesson taught me? It has taught me that we are all lifegivers and that love is the most important thing that we can give to others. We are all called to encourage, show mercy, teach the younger generations, etc. Additionally, we are called into fellowship and counsel for one another. I believe that God has gifted me in many of these areas and I am filled with a renewed desire to be a little less selfish and to follow where it is that God will lead.

Lifegiving Seeds

Uses:

Excellent in childbearing, nurturing of children and in overall dealings with those in our sphere of influence. Grows and blooms quickly in the full sun of God’s love and the partial shade of a mother’s care and concern.

Soil Preparation: In general, the soil must be tilled with love, commitment and much perseverance. Some of these seeds may produce another completely separate life – – it is important to plant these seeds only in the garden shared with a husband. Plant there regularly.

Care: Watch plants for signs of wilting and the emergence of self-absorbing weeds. Water daily with love, compassion and God’s truth. Plants are susceptible to discouragement & pain; often leading to more vibrant colors. Must be willing to spend a lot of time nurturing these seeds in order for them to reach their full potential.

For more information on care, check out the Bible, a complete life-giving instruction manual.

Lady of Wisdom or Woman of Folly Test

1. Fearing the Lord is:
    A. the beginning of becoming wise.
    B. not what He wants us to do.

2. A father should:
    A. urge his son to seek wisdom and flee folly.
    B. let him discover truth and error for himself.

3. The model of a domestic ruler is:
    A. the ideal.
    B. is laughable and a waste of women’s time.

4. The Proverbs 31 woman :
    A. was focused and diligent.
    B. is an unattainable ideal that is ridiculous to strive to emulate.

5. A wise woman should:
    A. strive to recognize fools and spurn them.
    B. always be sweet, deferring to everyone, no matter how evil.

6. A wise woman should:
    A. council authority with respect, timing, skill and substantive content.
    B. reprove or train authorities when they act foolishly.

7. Your skill is not important as long as you are sweet and well-intended.
    A. false
    B. true

8. If we reject reproof we are:
    A. on the road to becoming a permanent fool.
    B. standing up to others’ criticism.

9. I am more prone to:
    A. accept instruction.
    B. reject correction.

10. Do you:
    A. endure rigorous training.
    B. quit when things are tough.

11. Are you:
    A. careful with your words?
    B prone to speak before you think?

12. Do you:
    A. avoid flattery (giving and receiving)?
    B. use your womanly wiles to get what you want?

13. Do you:
    A. recognize your children as little fools in need of training?
    B. see your children as little darling that don’t need direction?

Count up your “A” answers.

13 Probably already a wise woman
10-12 On the road to becoming wise
4-9 Need to wake up and see where you are headed (toward foolishness)
0-3 Well on the way to becoming a woman of folly.
Need to take the 5 Aspects of Woman course.

I See You

Yeah, how easy you make it sound
Of course, it’s easy – you’re going down!
Those who believe your lies will one day find
How you’re messing with their minds
Seducing and flattering, enslaving and then
Bringing each to a deadly end.

Woman, listen! Don’t go that way!
If you do, you’ll rue the day
For that broad path leads to nothing but sorrow
And leaves you empty for tomorrow.
Bread and water is what you’ll be given
A very sad life is what you’ll be livin’.

Turn away from Folly and hear this word:
The beginning of Wisdom is Fear of the Lord.
Bow before the Lord your God
Stay on the narrow path, not the broad.
Woman, look! Here’s the Light –
Follow Him with all your might.
Don’t be deceived by easy ways
Let love of wisdom rule your days
Let excellence be your goal,
And cultivate the garden of your soul
With worthy things you’ve pondered and treasured
The reward you earn will be vast in measure.

I see you, Wisdom –
Strong, you take the steep road
You lead, you push, you goad.
You beckon all to learn from you
Understanding and discernment, too.
“Come now, children, don’t delay,
Learn from me the narrow way.
Sit by me and enjoy the riches I share
Meat and wine will be your fare.
Don’t give up when the path is steep
Persevere, and a reward you’ll reap.”

Lady of Wisdom,
Humble and strong
You fear no evil
For the Lord is your song.
You go rejoicing
To your reward
God is your refuge, His Word is your sword.
Hate evil, love justice, protect and bless
Inner riches you outwardly express.

The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life (Prov. 14:27)
Fear of the Lord makes an excellent wife.

My Grandma, A Wise Woman

I want to tell you about one of these people, my Grandma Chase. Her life has been one of trial after trial, and yet she has not weakened in her trust in God, her Savior.

Key times in her life:

1. Mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and is put in a home when she is still a teenager.
2. Husband sent to serve in WWII just after her first child is born. He is shot in the leg and is sent back to the US to recover.
3. Oldest son is paralyzed in a motorcycle accident at the age of 16.
4. Three of her sons lead rebellious lives in high school…rejecting God and getting into trouble with the law.
5. Father and brother both die of cancer.
6. Husband dies of a massive heart attack within 3 month of retirement and due to poor financial advice, she receives none of his pension.
7. One son is electrocuted and killed in a freak work related accident.
8. Other son divorces and the kids go to live with mom/ taken out of Grandma’s life for the most part.
9. Paralyzed son loses both legs due to infection. He is recently diagnosed with bladder cancer.

In reflecting on how she models wisdom, I would like to use Barbara Mouser’s three points about what wisdom is (see above quote).

1. Master Skills:
   Grandma married young and her career was raising her six children, visiting her institutionalized mother and caring for her father. Her home was always filled with laughter and fun – – everyone wanted to be with them. She welcomed her children’s friends with open arms and created a safe and welcoming environment for all. She became a great cook and learned how to knit. She still uses these skills to serve her church and her community. She knits booties and caps for the local hospital and helps in the church kitchen for all their events.
2. Ponder insights into life:
   Grandma had a lot to think about – a lot of “what if’s” and “why’s” regarding the events of her life. She sought God for answers in the Bible and thru prayer. Every morning she reads her “Guidposts” and an open Bible is often found near her. She prays daily for her children and grandchildren. She is able to use her many life experiences to comfort others and to encourage them not to give up on God. She is a woman who exudes a quiet confidence and who is approachable and not preachy when sharing with others how God has sustained her. She can also see the positive things in life and still calls God “good”.
3. Fear God
   Grandma knows that God is sovereign and that He alone is God. In spite of all her trials, she has not turned her back on Him. She has questioned him, yes, but she knows that He is in control and that He will be her refuge. She also has seen through her children’s rebellion and the consequences they have faced, that God is our judge. He hates evil and will allow us to “reap what we sow” when we do not heed wisdom (or mother’s) advice. She knows that God alone is the constant in her life – – that in spite of life’s troubles, she can and does experience joy that can only come from God. People are drawn to her – – she radiates joy and peace.

She is my example – she is a lady of wisdom and I know that when God takes her home He will tell her “Well done, Betty. You have fought the good fight. You have finished the race. You have kept the faith and now there is in store for you the crown of righteousness”. 2 Timothy 4:7 – 8

Godly Gourmet — Glory of Man Soufflé

1 part good works
1 part dependence
1 part interdependence
1 part gentle and quiet spirit
1 part moral purity
1 part loyalty

Accompaniment: a Godly husband

Special equipment: a Bible

Preparation

Preheat oven to 375°F. Prepare the soufflé mold by generously sprinkling with Daddy’s love, leave any excess in the mold.

Melt good works in a large metal bowl over an even larger saucepan of boiling water, stirring occasionally until all impurities are gone and only pure good works are left. Remove bowl from heat (mixture will harden and last eternally). Stir in loyalty and moral purity, and mix well.

Blend dependence and interdependence in a large bowl at a slow speed initially, then turning up the speed gradually to medium making sure they are well blended and can hold up. Add the gentle and quiet spirit, a little at a time, continuing to beat at medium speed, then beat at high speed making sure the mixture holds up. Combine both mixtures, folding gently but thoroughly.

Spoon into soufflé mold and run the end of your thumb around inside edge of soufflé mold while praying (this will help soufflé rise evenly). Bake in middle of oven until puffed and crusted on top but still jiggly in center, 44 to 66 years. Keep warm.

Cooks’ notes:
• If you don’t have good works available, then substitute kind deeds. The results will be the same.
• Soufflé can be assembled years before baking. Keep, covered with an inverted large bowl (do not let bowl touch soufflé), at room temperature.

Salsa Dancing

Sometimes I would try to lead in order to gain control of the dance. This never worked because we would be fighting against each other. However, when I had a good partner or danced with one of the instructors, it was great. I felt comfortable relying on him to lead me so I could relax and enjoy myself. As a pair, we looked good and danced in unison.

Salsa dancing is a good metaphor to help me understand this aspect (GOM) that I struggle to grasp all the elements. Not only have I never heard anything like Barbara Mouser’s teaching, I then had to understand how to really relate to men in my life. Historically, relationships with men have been a sore subject, so I was frustrated, confused, and a little mad at God–blaming Him for the hurt that various men in my life have caused.

However, unlike the men in my Salsa class or life in general, God has always been the perfect leader. Through various trials and circumstances, I know that as long as I let Him lead, I won’t get my toes stepped on. I’m continually learning to surrender it all to Him. I don’t want to be the leader anymore. Like Mary in the “Redeemed” lesson, I want to give Christ my gifts, my worship, my praise, and my life. I pray that this surrender to Christ will teach me how to honor the men in my life. I know it will happen through His grace.